I feel like it’s time to tell the Veronica’s story. It’s been a long road and I like to stay in the present, not look too far in the future or past. I stay focused on what I know for sure; that I have an incredible, beautiful, funny, amazing little girl who touches my life with so much love everyday. I hope that sharing our story is a blessing to you, to see what’s possible from a child who thrives with so many perceived limitations. This is day one, with more to come…it’s a long story! #MemoriesMonday
We checked in to the birthing center at 1:00 AM and 2 and a half hours later Veronica Rose entered the world. The doctor wasn’t even there yet, her daddy delivered her. What a perfect way to enter the world, into the loving hands of your daddy. He laid her on my chest and I held her sweet, tiny body.
Bonding time ended abruptly as the nurses rushed in and wisked her to a baby-prep area in the room, where they cleaned her up. I heard the comments, “She looks like a preemie,” and the hesitation in their voices when doing the apgars. Minutes later it was clear she wasn’t getting enough oxygen and she was hurried to the NICU, her daddy following close behind. He never left her side.
I don’t know what happened next, I fell into a deep sleep like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I slowly woke to Todd sitting next to me. Veronica was having breathing problems and had never opened her eyes. She had a one and 300 million condition where her eyes didn’t completely form. None of the specialists there had ever seen it before. We were told that she was blind and would never see, and they were taking her down for a brain scan – her brain might not be fully formed.
My mind reeled. I couldn’t breathe. It was like he was speaking in another language; the words made no sense. I bawled like my entire being was turned inside out. I laid on my left side, then my right, trying to find a position that would help me grasp this.
Before they took Veronica to the scan, we prayed. Our minds couldn’t comprehend any of this. Less than 12 hours ago my dad had made my favorite brownies and we were playing with our 2 and half year old, talking about all the things her and her new little sister would do in the future. Our baby being anything but healthy was not on the radar.
We prayed that her brain scan would be normal, that she would be healthy, and that we would know how to be great parents for our new little one.
Todd left, I continued crying.
This was my fault, I just knew it had to be. For over 9 months it was my job to protect and grow this precious little girl, giving her the best, and I had failed her. I don’t even take aspirin when I’m pregnant, but I was sure I had done something wrong.
Just then my doctor walked in, I blurted out, “This is my fault!” She told me that I had had a healthy pregnancy. Sometimes these things just happen and we don’t understand it.
The phone rang, it was my dad. Overwhelmed and not knowing what to do, my dad had left the hospital earlier. When I answered he said, “I just opened the Bible, and you know what I read? Jesus was asked why the blind man is blind – was it because of his sins or the sins of his parents. Jesus answered, ‘Neither. The blind man is blind so that the glory of God can be displayed in his life.’”
The words were kind of comforting, but would hold more meaning later. At that moment everything was a fog. Could this all be real?
Veronica’s brain scans completed, Todd came in to tell me the overview looked normal. We tool our 2 and half year old to meet her sister in the NICU. Todd is such a great dad. He showed us how he’d touch her cheek in a certain way and say, “This is daddy and I love you.” Then he said, “Watch this…” He turned on and of the isolet light, and she blinked from the light. “I know she’s going to be OK.”
Comedy relief came when my toddler said, “Aww, look at my wittle baby. ….WHOA! That’s a BIG baby over there!” Pointing the the 12 pound baby in the isolet next to us. That was a big baby.
This was only day one.
